Track Star
by AliceMakesMeLaugh
Summary: Edward is forced to join the Forks High School Track Team! What happens as Mike's evil plans unfold?
1. Track Star

**"Track Star" **

**A/N: This is truly pointless fluff, but thanks for reading! This takes place before high school graduation. Enjoy!**

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BPOV

"I'm in trouble!" Edward announced after climbing though my window.

"What are you talking about?" I wanted to know.

"Remember how I left right after lunch so I could meet Emmett for a quick hunting trip?" he began. I was getting worried now. What could've happened on his short trip that would cause him to be in trouble?

"And?" the panick set in.

"Well, I was heading across the parking lot to my car and I thought no one was around. I got a little careless and started to jog. I heard Coach Carr calling my name, so I froze and sure enough, he was standing by the main entrance watching with a wide grin on his face. I had no choice but to acknowledge him. I didn't even have to ask him what he wanted, because I could read his thoughts which were whirling with excitement. 'Do you know what tomorrow is, Cullen?' he probed.

"I knew the answer since he was thinking it, but I played dumb." Edward continued and as I listened, relief started to slowly wash over me. Nothing horrible had happened to him or Emmett out in the woods. "'Tomorrow I'm holding tryouts for the track team and you'll be there, right?' I didn't know what to say, so I stood there staring at him. As calmly as I could, I replied with 'Track isn't really my thing, Coach.'"

I started to laugh "And then what?"

"Coach Carr launched into a ten minute speech about school spirit and how he needed me on the team. Just to get him to shut up, I agreed to consider it. A few minutes ago, when Emmett and I got back to my house, Carlisle was waiting for me. Apparently, Coach Carr called Carlisle and Esme to see if they'd take his side and get me to join the team. And do you know what?!" He was acting like a regular teenager. Instead of his usually cool demeanor and mature disposition, Edward was ranting like I would. Realizing this, I had to stifle my laughter.

"So what did Carlisle have to say?" A giggle escaped as I asked.

Edward glowered at me, "Carlisle took Coach Carr's side!" This surprised me. Usually, the Cullens tried to blend in and now draw any unnecessary attention to themselves. "His reasoning is that he thinks it might be good for me to interact with other students at school and that this might make me appear to be more normal. He said I could easily control my speed so that I don't look suspicious. Can you believe it?"

He was fuming at this point. I couldn't help but think about how handsome he looked with his eyebrows furowing together. "Edward, maybe Carlisle is right." This surprised him.

"Not you too!"

"Well, I mean, I have to work at Newton's a few days per week and you told me you're always bored those days." His face started to soften the tiniest bit, so I hedged forward. "Besides, I bet this could win you some points with Charlie."

"What about sunny days?" He smirked. "It wouldn't be right to committ and then let the team down, would it?"

"Good point, but why don't you take your chances. We have what, one sunny day per month?" We went back and forth like this for a few minutes and I ended with "Edward, just do what you want. I'm only playing devil's advocate. I just want you to be happy."

"Come here," he smiled, pulling me over to his lap and kissing my lips. "You better get some sleep, Bella." I guess the rational, mature Edward was back.

"Goodnight" I kissed him one more time. "I love you."

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BPOV

When I awoke, Edward was sitting in my rocking chair. He have me a quick kiss and told me he would meet me at school.

I arrived early, but of course he was already there, waiting for me, leaning up against his Volvo. The space next to him was open, so I pulled in and parked my truck. Something looked oddly different about him. His usually, perfectly messy hair was combed into a neat, conservative style, parted to one side. He was wearing one of his usual expensive sweater and jeans combinations, but over his right shoulder was a Nike gym bag.

"Should I even ask?" I said, looking him over from head to toe and now noticing that his usual expensive shoes were replaced with sneakers.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for everything Alice has done to you." He gave me a kiss and guided me toward the school. I laughed.

"It all makes sense now," I grinned.

"Yeah, Alice wanted me to look the part, so she went out last night and bought me a bunch of work out clothes, new sneakers and she insisted that the makeover had to include my hair so that I could fit her description of a high school jock. Are you embarrassed to be seen with me like this?"

"Never!" And the day flew by. At lunch, Edward confirmed for me that the try outs were right after school and Alice planned on hanging around to watch. I told him I would watch with her and I wished him luck.

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MPOV

"Good luck, Mike!" Jessica waved at me from the stands. I smiled back, but I wished it were Bella wishing me luck. I continued to tie my laces, then I stood up and looked around.

_What the heck is Cullen doing here?_ I glanced around. _And what's with his hair?_ As I watched him walk over to Coach Carr and shake his hand, I started fuming. A few more glances around confirmed my fear. Bella and Alice were sitting on the bleachers watching him and talking. _Damn Cullen, sports are my thing!_ He has Bella, isn't that enough?

My bad mood did not dissipate as the try outs wore on. Cullen beat me in three different events. Depressed, I hit the showers.

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BPOV

"Well?" I asked Edward expectantly.

"I broke three school records and Coach Carr said I'm in." He replied nonchalantly. "Isn't it unfair though, Bella?"

"I guess if anyone knew your secret they might consider it cheating, but who cares, you look sexy" I smiled playfully at him. This pleased him and I was rewarded with a deep kiss as he wrapped his arms around me.

Later that night, he was rewarded further when he told Charlie all about it and Charlie was actually nice to him for a change. However, it still didn't prevent Charlie from kicking him out, promptly at 10 PM.


	2. Mike's Evil Plan

**A/N:**

**This was originally supposed to just be a one-shot, but I had a couple of requests for more. Again, it's random fluff.**

**Please R + R even if you hate it!**

Track Star Part 2: Mike's Evil Plan

BPOV:

"So, today's your first track meet. Are you excited?" I asked Edward as I was getting ready for the day. It's Saturday, and Forks High School has a track meet scheduled for 12 noon with West Creek High. Luckily, according to Alice and the local weather forecast, it would be a dreary,  
over-cast day. There should be no risk of sunshine to give away Edward's secret.

"Yeah, I'm soooo excited" his velvet voice mocked me now.

"Well you don't have to show up." I didn't really mean this, but still, I wanted to see his reaction.

"I have to!" he exclaimed with exasperation. Then quickly, he said "I mean, it wouldn't be right to let the team down."

"Nice recovery," I laughed. He jumped out of the chair in my bedroom where he had been sitting and crouched down in front of me as if he were ready to pounce. Then, he did. I flew back onto my bed and Edward landed on top of me. We playfully wrestled around in a fit of laughter for the next couple of minutes, then he straightened up quickly and headed toward the window.

"Charlie's coming. I'll see you at the track meet" and with a quick kiss, he fled. Charlie had gone fishing early this morning, but promised he would be back in time for the track meet. I was surprised he wanted to go and I wondered if that made Edward nervous at all. Probably not. Less than one minute after Edward flew out the window, Charlie pulled into the driveway.

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APOV

"But Edward, you can't go to your first track meet with your hair like that!" I looked at Edward's messy locks with horror.

"Alice," he rolled his eyes, "please be reasonable. I'm not Bella, you know."

I pouted. "If you don't let me comb your hair, I will tell Bella you said that!" Yes! I got him! And sure enough, with a heavy sigh, he sat down and handed me the comb.

Just then, I had a flash and started to laugh uncontrollably. Edward looked at me with disdain and probed "What's so funny?"

"You'll see," was my giddy reply.

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MPOV

"Mwaahaaa, this will be so great" I said like a mad scientist. I had just arrived to the school and headed toward the locker room to change.

"Hi Mike," Coach Carr greeted me. Then louder to everyone in the locker room "Warm ups are in five minutes, don't be late." I glanced around. There he was... _Cullen_. I sneered at him, but then I brighted as I remembered once again about my evil plan. I quickly changed, then grabbed two bottles of Gatorade from my bag. They were identical except for a sticker on the cap of one. I needed this there to distinguish between the regular one I planned on drinking and the tainted one I would offer Cullen. I removed the sticker now and kept this one in my right hand.

I had been up late last night, watching _Dumb and Dumber_ on TBS. As soon as they got to the scene with "Turbo Lax," my bright idea was born. This would serve two purposes. One, I would be the Track Star again since Cullen wouldn't be able to run after he drank my special Gatorade mixed with a large quantity of fast acting laxitive mixed in, and two, maybe Bella would be so disgusted with him, she'd leave him. I knew the second one was a long shot, but I guy could hope, couldn't I?

"Hey Cullen, wait up," I called after him now and jogged to catch up with him. "I have an extra gatorade and you know how important it is to stay hydrated when we run so much. Here." I held out the special Gatorade with my right hand.

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EPOV

So that's what Alice had been laughing about, I thought as I watched Mike Newton remove a neon colored sticker from one of his two bottles of Gatorade. I could hear his thoughts clearly and I snickered to myself at his plan. I got up and started to walk out toward the track.

"Hey Cullen, wait up" Mike called after me now. He launched into some speech about staying hydrated, and I took the bottle he held out to me with his right hand. As I reached out for the bottle in his right hand, I brushed up against his left so that his bottle fell to the ground.  
Since I am much faster than he is, I picked it up for him and handed it right back. So quickly, that there was no way Mike witnessed the exchange, I switched the two bottles.

"Hey, thanks a lot, Newton" I smiled at him. "Let's see who can finish first" I challenged, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist. We both untwisted the cap and chugged. I let him win this, since it would be the only thing he would win.

"Let's go!" and we walked out to the track, Mike beaming by my side, his thoughts screaming with delight.

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BPOV

"That was awful" I remarked to Edward after the track meet. He had won the three events he participated in, which was the good part. The awful part was when Mike Newton had an accident in his track shorts during the 100 meter dash.

"I've never seen such a thing" Charlie said while shaking his head. "The mess that was all over the track... yuck."

"Dad, please, let's not talk about it anymore. Poor, Mike." I was embarrassed for him.

"Yeah, poor Mike" Alice chimed in. She and Edward exchanged a look and then burst out laughing.


	3. Awful

Chapter 3: Awful 

Mike's POV:

"Newton, good job during warm ups," Coach Carr pat me on the back and I went to the sidelines to get some water and rest a little before the first event.

Cullen and I are both participating in the 110 meter hurdles event. We lined up among some of the West Creek High athletes. Then the gun went off, we ran. I cleared most of the hurdles easily, but as the race went on, my stomach started to cramp up. What is going on? I still finished second, of course that darn Cullen is first. My walk back to the bench was tough, sharp pains were now coursing through my stomach. Maybe I had too much water. And why isn't Cullen sick yet? There he is, running in the 5,000 meter event. Maybe it will start to hit him as this one ends.

Ouch, what the heck is wrong with me? Wait a minute, the bottles couldn't have been switched, could they? Nah, no way. I planned it out too well. The 5,000 meter race ended with Cullen in first and two of the West Creek High kids finishing third and fourth. I had about 10 minutes until the 100 meter dash, the last race Cullen will be in. It better happen by then!

I paced around taking deep breaths, hoping the cramp would go away for my sprint. It's finally time to line up now, so I go. On my right hand side is Tyler Crowley and next to him is Cullen. On my left are three West Creek High guys. This should be good. I crouched down into the starting position, and to my embarassment, I passed gas, but luckily it wasn't noisy. Oh, gosh, this hurts, what is wrong with me?

"Ew, Newton, did you freakin' fart?" Crowley asked with disgust in his voice. I looked over and saw Cullen's mouth slightly upturned in a smile, but he wasn't looking over here.

"No, Tyler, shut up, man." I replied.

"On your marks, get set, GO!" The gun went off.

I burst out of my starting position and was slightly ahead of everyone except Cullen. Yes, I'm winning! "Oh, shit" I cried in pain as my stomach gave an extremely painful heave. The rumbling noise was audible and then it happened. My stomach exploaded and the most horrific thing possible happened to me. The West Creek High kid on my left stepped in it as he passed me and so did Tyler. I think they were running too quickly to stop in time. Cullen ran ahead and got away clean, winning of course.

That is the least of my worries now. I looked around and everyone was staring at me with horror in their eyes. I looked down and saw the huge mess I made. Oh my gosh. This is the end of my life as I know it.

"Damn, Newton, what the heck?" Tyler said, standing several feet away from me. I looked over to he had been splashed all over with the mess.

I got up and ran to the locker room, looking behind me only once as I left the track. I noticed a trail of the mess had followed me in the form of a liquid brown trail. Someone, anyone, please, come and kill me now.

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The day that my life officially ended was Saturday. It's now Monday and even though I begged all day Sunday and this morning, my parents wouldn't let me skip school. In fact, my dad just dropped me off and watched me walk into the building. On my way to my locker, I heard some snickering and one kid even called out "Hey, Newton! Need a diaper?" Another yelled "How about some Imodium AD?"

I ignored them and kept going. I reached my locker now and as I opened it, at least a few hundred adult diapers piled out on top of me. A group of kids were standing around watching and laughing. I scowled at Jessica who was laughing hysterically with everyone else. What a shallow bitch. I grabbed my books and took off to English class. Great, Bella and Edward were already sitting in their seats, near mine.

"Hi Mike," Bella said as I sat down. "Did you finish the homework?" Oh, thank God for sweet Bella Swan. Of course she's too mature to make fun of me.

"Yeah, did you?" I asked, blushing because I knew she had witnessed the whole fiasco.

"Yes." She smiled sweetly, obviously just trying to make me feel better.

"I finished it to, Mike." Edward said cooly. "It didn't take long at all. I finished it in less time than it took you to chug your Gatorade."


	4. Shampoo is Better

**Chapter 4: Shampoo is Better**

Mike's POV:

Two weeks had passed since my totally embarrassing accident during the West Creek High track meet. The snickering and ridicule was just starting to die down, but it was most certainly not forgotten among my class mates and team mates. Some of the guys on the team will only refer to me as "Nasty Newton" now instead of just plain "Newton" or "Mike."

Even Jessica, who previously stalked me, was keeping her distance from me these days. I went to the movies last night with Tyler and Eric and they made me sit on a towel when I got in Tyler's car. I need something to take the negative spotlight off of me and put it on to Cullen. That darn Edward already had a spotlight on him, but not the kind I want. He's the team's hero and superstar. No, I need him to be the team joke.

So my original plan was foiled? So what? Accidents happen. It's Sunday night and there's nothing on TV except old movies, like _Billy Madison_, but I never get sick of Adam Sandler, so I'm watching it. As Billy was taking a bubble bath, playing with a shampoo bottle and a bottle of conditioner, a new idea was born.

_"Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair… No! Conditioner if better! I leave the hair silky and smooth!"_

"Billy," I said to the television, "you're a genius!"

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Edward's POV

"I'll see you in a few minutes," I told Bella as I closed my cell phone after track practice on Monday. She's about to get off of work at Newton's and I need to go through the motions of showering with the team even though I don't actually sweat.

I jogged to the locker room and began to hurry. It was painful to have to move so slowly and do something that I really found to be completely unnecessary. I grabbed my bottle of shampoo and a towel. Hmmm, this bottle feels heavier than before.

As I walked passed Newton's locker, I heard the reason for my heavy shampoo bottle. _He's about to use my mixture!_ Newton smiled a little too brightly at me as I passed him. I narrowed my eyes at him to see if I could figure out what he had done to my shampoo, but he wasn't giving that part away.

I continued to the shower and Mike followed close behind me. I turned right into the community shower room while Mike went left toward the bathroom stalls. He placed his shampoo and towel over the ledge and went to use the facilities. Will he never learn?! He makes these plans and doesn't protect himself. Faster than anyone could see me, I grabbed Mike's shampoo and dumped the little that was left of it into the trash bin nearby, then opened my bottle and poured it into his. I was just twisting the cap back on as he flushed and opened the door. I ran quickly to the showers and began to go through the motions.

As Newton walked in, I heard his thoughts again. _Cullen's hair's wet! I can't wait for the stuff to take effect. I hope he didn't rinse it out too quickly. Pretty boy won't look so pretty anymore with half of his hair gone! _

So he wanted half of my gorgeous hair to be gone! Ha! Let's see how he looks with half of his spiky blonde wannabe hair gone. I smiled to myself and finished quickly so I could get to my Bella.

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Bella's POV

I glanced over at Edward who was sitting next to me in our English class which is about to start. He's been back for awhile now, but I can't help but double check that he's there all the time and this isn't just a dream. As I looked at him now, he smiled my favorite crooked smile and I noticed that his hair looked even better today than usual. I'm glad he didn't let Alice slick it over in that "jock-style" she's been making Edward wear recently.

Mike Newton entered the class room and I heard some kids snickering. He's wearing a Seahawk's hat, pulled down low over his face and he barely held his head high enough to see where he was going. I wish the other kids wouldn't be so mean to him. That whole messy accident was weeks ago!

"Mr. Newton," our teacher said as class began, "you know the school rules. No hats!"

Reluctantly, Mike pulled off his baseball cap to reveal a disgustingly patchy disarray of hot pink and blonde hair. Chunks were missing showing large bald spots, and although he had obviously cut his hair extra short to cover up the bald patch mess, there were still obvious sections of the hot pink dye. Everyone, including my mature Edward started laughing. Poor Mike!

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Mike's POV

I don't know how he's doing it, but I swear, I'll get Cullen if it's the last thing I do!


	5. Brownies

**A/N: This isn't as funny as it was in my head, so I apologize, but I figured I might as well post it. Okay, so sorry if you think it's LAME. Also, I want to make it clear that I in NO WAY condone the use of illegal substances. Thanks for reading!**

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**Chapter 5: Brownies**

Mike's POV:

So everything keeps backfiring. It's like Cullen's a mind reader or something! Damn him. I need to get him in trouble some how so that he's kicked off the team. What can I do? And how can I do it so that he won't know about it? Ah ha!

On Friday we're having a Track Team bake sale to raise money for equipment and uniforms. I know just the thing! I picked up my cell phone and dialed a number I've only called twice before.

"Hey, Shady McGrady, it's me, Newton," I said.

"Newton, what'll it be?" a hushed voice greeted me.

"Whatever twenty dollars will get me."

"See you in an hour, you know the spot," my source hung up before I could respond. _You're going down, Cullen! _See if even Bella will stand by you after this one!

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Alice's POV:

"Oh no!" I exclaimed.

"Alice, what is it?" Jasper was at my side in a second.

"It's Edward! He's going to get in trouble," I said shaking my head. I had just had a vision of Coach Carr pointing at Edward and saying _"There he is_!" to Charlie and another Forks police officer.

"What do you mean?" Jasper asked.

"I think it has something to do with _drugs_," I said exasperated. "Jasper, we're no where near a phone!"

Jasper and I had left on Thursday after school to go on a long nature hike in Alaska. We left modern life behind us – _hey, even the most fabulously dressed vampire, such as myself, enjoys the wilderness sometimes_ – and I had no way to reach Edward to warn him.

"Edward's a big boy, he can take care of himself, Alice," Jasper rubbed my shoulders trying to calm me down. I sure hope he's right…

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Mike's POV:

I placed a big pan of brownies on the table that was set up for the bake sale. I made sure Cullen's name was on the bottom of the pan and I got the hell away from there before he could read my mind again. I need to go find Coach Carr!

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Edward's POV:

"Thanks for making these, Bella," I smiled at my angel. She had made Rice Krispie treats for me to bring to the team bake sale.

"It was no problem," Bella smiled up at me as we walked toward the table Coach Carr had set up for the goodies. Mike Newton just nervously rushed passed us. Hmmm, that's odd. He's thinking about the alphabet. "What's wrong, Edward?"

"Oh, it's nothing," I tried to convince Bella and myself that it was some odd coincidence. There's no way Mike could've figured out that I can read minds. "I just think Mike might be up to something again."

We arrived at the table which was being watched by Tyler Crowley who had the first shift. "Hey Tyler, where should I put this?"

"Just throw it down anywhere," Tyler nodded at the right half of the table which had plenty of space.

"Ooh, brownies," Bella said with wide eyes. Then, shaking her head, "No, never mind, it's too early for that."

"Bella, if you want a brownie, I will get you a brownie," I pulled out a dollar and threw it into Tyler's outreached hand and picked up a brownie for her. "Please, eat it."

"Okay, thanks," Bella said and she took it. We began walking toward our lockers. I saw Coach Carr standing outside of the office and he shook his head, narrowing his eyes at me and Bella. What's his problem? "This is really good, Edward. I wish you liked regular food, because this is awesome. I wonder who made it."

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Mike's POV:

Two hours have passed since I told Coach Carr that I think Cullen laced his brownies with marijuana. Ha! He's probably being grilled by the police right now. I had trouble concentrating on what the teacher was saying. I bet Bella will be devastated and there's no way that he'll be able to stay on the team after this one!

My reverie was interrupted by Miss Cope rushing in and handing Mr. Morris a note. He looked up and said "Mike Newton, you're to go with Miss Cope to the office immediately."

I flushed red and gathered up my things. Great. They probably want me as a witness. I have my story prepared. "What's going on?" I innocently asked Miss Cope as we walked out of the Math building to head toward the main building with the office. I saw a police cruiser parked at the door. Awesome!

"I'm not able to discuss it right now, Mr. Newton," Miss Cope shook her head.

As we walked inside, I saw Bella's father, Chief Swan standing there with Officer Slater. Across the hall from the police I saw Edward, _not in hand cuffs,_ with his arm around Bella and Tyler Crowley. The three of them glared at me and I noticed Bella was munching on a bag of Cheetos. She must have had some of the brownies!

"Michael Newton, you're under arrest," Chief Swan slapped a pair of hand cuffs on me and read me my Miranda warning.

"No! It was Cullen! Damn you Cullen!" I called as I was being dragged outside. "I didn't do anything!"


	6. Kandie

Mike's POV:

"Yes, Mr. Weber, that thermos should keep your coffee hot for up to three hours in below zero temperatures," Bella nodded her head as she explained to a customer about the new item my father's store just received in stock. Angela Weber's father comes in all the time for hiking gear.

Bella hasn't been talking to me ever since I tried to get Cullen arrested a few weeks ago. The only good thing that came out of all that is that since it was my first offense, I didn't have to go to jail or serve anytime.

"Okay, Bella, you sold me on it," Mr. Weber chuckled. While Bella rang up his purchase, he asked, "So do you and Angela have any plans together this weekend?"

"No," Bella sounded unsure about something. "I'm supposed to be going with Alice Cullen and the other girls in her family to a spa in Seattle."

"You don't sound very happy about it," again, Mr. Weber laughed, but not unkindly.

"Well, Alice can sometimes get carried away with all the… girly stuff," Bella smiled.

"Say no more! I sympathize with you!" Mr. Weber gathered his purchases and waved goodbye. "Have a nice time either way!"

"Thanks," Bella glared toward me and promptly turned around to finish cleaning off the counter since the store will be closing shortly. So Bella and all of the female Cullens are going away this weekend, huh?

Mwwaaahaaaahaaa! I have another plan…

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Edward's POV:

"Dammit, Edward," Emmett scowled. "It's impossible to play poker with you! You cheat!"

"I do not!" I replied innocently. It's not my fault that I can see in his mind what card's he's holding. I don't even try to see it, but if he's thinking it, I can't help it.

"You do make it hard," Jasper said peacefully. I could see Emmett was about to complain more when Jasper sent a calming wave over the whole table.

"Maybe we should just go hunting or something instead…" Carlisle offered. We were all staying home tonight, on Friday, while the girls went to a spa in Seattle. Bella would get to spend tomorrow night with me since Charlie would think she's still away in Seattle. I can't wait.

_Ding Dong!_

"I'll get it," I jumped up and ran to the door. Who would come here? Just before opening the door, I could hear an unfamiliar female's thoughts: _I hope this guy's cute and not some over weight balding sleeze ball. _What the…?

I pulled the door open and I heard the same voice speak aloud, but this time her voice sounded breathier and deeper, "Well, hello there, sugar muffin."

In front of me was a tall blonde wearing nothing but a short black trench coat. Her hair was a bit overdone and her makeup was a lot over done. In her thoughts, she was calling me Edward, but how did she know my name?

"Who are you and why are you here?" I inquired as she caressed my left arm.

"Oh, so you're in to pretending? I can handle that, you big stud. Aren't you going to invite me in?" The stranger untied her trench coat and dropped it back over her shoulders, letting it slide down to the porch, revealing a totally nude body. What the heck?!

I bent down and picked up her coat, "You dropped this." I handed it back to her covered her up. "I don't know who you are but I want you off of my property now."

"But… but… Edward, you hired me…" she protested. I stepped out onto the porch and touched her arm, guiding her to the steps. After that, she needed no more prompting, she simply left. I turned to go back inside and I thought I heard a rustle in the bushes on the east side of my driveway. I waited a minute, decided it must be an animal, and went back inside. _Weird…_

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Mike's POV:

_Click. Click. _Perfect! I snapped a few more shots, with my digital Nikon, of Cullen with Kandie, the striper I hired, on his porch. This will totally ruin his relationship with Bella since nothing else I do seems to work. He's still on the damn Track Team as the freaking super star. _You're going down now, Cullen!_

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Bella's POV:

"This is odd," Esme's eyebrows were knitted together as she handed me a rectangular 9 x 12" padded envelope. "Someone sent you mail here at our house."

"Yes, that is odd," I agreed accepting the envelope. We had just gotten back from a girl's night away in Seattle, but that didn't explain why I would receive mail here. Maybe Edward sent me something sweet. He and the guys went hunting early this morning, but he should be back soon so we can spend all night together.

I cautiously opened the envelope to make sure I didn't give myself a paper cut and when I peaked inside I saw some pictures. I slid them out and was floored.

My Edward was standing on the porch with a naked girl! A naked slutty girl! I looked through several of him with the girl and finally ended with a photo of him walking away from the front door with his hand on her arm! Was this last night?

"Bella? What's wrong?" Esme asked concerned. I threw the pictures down and ran to the kitchen sink to puke. I'm getting the hell out of here. I can't believe this.

I ran past Esme who tried to stop me and as I exited the house I heard Alice calling after me, "Bella, why did I just see your future with Edward disappear?" I didn't stop to answer her. I just kept going, got in my truck and drove.


	7. BB Mtn Part 1

Edward's POV:

"I'll kill him!" I snarled, while Emmett and Jasper restrained my arms. "I swear if I get my hands on him, I will make him regret ever messing with us!"

"Edward, calm down," Jasper said. "Murdering Mike Newton won't solve your problem, it will make it worse!"

"Yeah, besides, Alice went with Carlisle to explain what happened since Charlie won't let you near Bella and she's locked her bedroom window," Emmett reminded me. "Once Carlisle explains, Bella will understand."

"I know Bella will understand," I growled, "but the point is that for the past twelve hours she's been crying! He hurt her with those deceitful pictures and I'm not letting him get away with it."

"Don't get mad," Rosalie quipped, "get even. I did."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Jasper perked up.

"Brokeback Mountain?" Emmett beamed. They slapped each other a high five.

"Don't do anything dangerous, boys," Esme warned.

"Don't worry," I joined in, fully comprehending their plan, "this won't be dangerous. I'll call Sebastian!"

I ran up to my bedroom and called the only guy I know who would be willing to participate in this plan. I looked at the time on my cell phone before dialing. I hope he can make it here from LA quickly.

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Bella's POV:

"Oh, of course I'll help you with the plan," I replied to Edward and his brothers. "I'm just so glad this whole mess has been cleared up!"

"I'm just glad you believe me," Edward smiled.

"I'm sorry I ever doubted you," I grabbed his hand.

"Okay, you two, let's stop all the lovey dovey crap and get this plan in motion!" Emmett laughed.

I picked up Edward's cell phone, blocked the number and dialed Mike Newton. "Hello?" Mike answered cautiously.

"Mike!" I cried into the phone. "I'm so… so… upset. I… I… I can't even talk ab---out it." I whimpered a few more times for effect.

"Bella, what's wrong? Where are you?"

"I'm… home," I continued to whine. "It's… it's Edward… he cheated on me!"

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry!"

"Mike, I need you. Please. Can we go somewhere?"

"Anywhere, of course," he replied a little too anxiously. I gagged.

"Come and pick me up in thirty minutes."

"I'll be there, honey, just sit tight." Again, my vomit reflex kicked in when he called me "honey." I shut the phone and smiled up at Edward.

"Let's go," I hopped on his back and he ran me home faster than he could have in his Volvo. Plus, I didn't want Mike to see Edward's car, just in case the over zealous dweeb showed up early.

"Bella, are you sure you want to do this?" Edward asked, putting me down on my front porch.

"Yes," I assured him. "I have the sedative that I'm going to slip into his hot cocoa, don't worry, this'll be great."

"I'll be nearby the whole time, I promise." Edward pressed his cold lips to mine and it sent a wave of heat through me. "I love you."

"Me too," I kissed him back, then went inside to prepare quickly for my camping trip with Mike Newton.


	8. BB Mtn Part 2

BB Mtn Part 2

Mike's POV:

_Alright!_ I thought to myself as I finished pitching the tent Bella had packed for this impromptu camping trip of hers. She's been fairly quiet and I can tell she's upset about Cullen "cheating" on her. Finally, one of my plans worked! I knew if I just kept at it, my hard work would pay off. I walked over next to her now.

"There, Bella," I said softly, rubbing the small of her back and motioning to the erected blue tent. I felt her shudder underneath my touch. Should I not be touching her? No, she's probably just cold. "The tent's all finished. We should go inside so you're not cold."

"Oh, Mike," she said without much inflection, "you did such a wonderful job." I brushed her nonchalant tone off as heartbreak and followed her inside. I brought the rest of our gear with us, including _one_ sleeping bag, and we sat down.

"Would you like to talk about it?" I prompted her, trying to play the sensitive role. Of course I couldn't care less about her feelings for Cullen. I'll make her forget that pale creep soon enough.

"Not really, I would kind of like to just forget about the whole thing." Music to my ears! She handed me a cup of the hot cocoa she packed. "Here, I brought this for us."

"Thank you," I accepted it eagerly. We sat companionably while I sipped my cocoa. The poor girl wasn't even drinking hers since she was probably too upset.

"Mike?" Bella asked tentatively.

"Yes… darling?" I replied slowly, feeling suddenly woozy and lethargic.

"Why did you do it?" She implored, sounded like she was miles away.

"Do… wha-t?" Why are there three Bella's looking at me intently? And why is the tent spinning at an incredible rate?

Then, everything went black.

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Emmett's POV:

"This is so great! I've always wanted to be a Hollywood Director!" I grinned stupidly. Edward, Jasper, Sebastian, and I are positioned in the woods, approximately .25 miles due south of our impending photo shoot location.

"Shhh, Emmett," Edward shushed me impatiently. "Bella just gave Newton the cocoa."

Jasper and Sebastian, a family friend, exchanged a glance and rolled their eyes at my apparent childlike enthusiasm. What the three of them don't realize and won't for approximately ten to fifteen more years, is that I'm actually more intelligent than all three of them combined. I play the brawny dumb guy for fun – living forever is a long time and what is the point if we can't amuse ourselves somehow?

The only one in the family who knows I'm not just a heap of muscle is Rosalie. She plays along and doesn't give my secret away because she gets a kick out of it too. The day when I finally get bored of this charade and reveal myself to the others will be shocking and worth the many years of self inflicted sacrifice. Wait until the golden child and genius, Edward, finds out that the only reason the Volturi haven't killed our coven is because they are aware of my capabilities and they are terrified of me.

Edward can read minds. I can read them and control them – including Bella's mind!

Jasper can play with emotions. I can do that plus what little Jane from Volterra can do, multiplied by fifty.

Alice can see the future, but it changes. I see more accurate precognitions before people even make up their mind to do something.

And the list goes on. Now, it's not that I don't love my family, I absolutely do. Acting like a total imbecile is, again, just for entertainment.

"It's time, let's go!" Jasper commanded to our little group.

"I'm ready!" Sebastian danced around in nothing but his boxers and a bow tie. Conspiratorially, he confessed, "I hope my boyfriend won't get mad at me for this – if he ever finds out!"

Ha! Not only will his boyfriend find out, but he'll leave Sebastian for a human _woman_! Oh the drama! Again, even though I had seen the future, I didn't share it. Instead, we hauled off our camera equipment, easily, to the location where Bella and a recently passed out Mike Newton lay incapacitated.

Jasper and I tore holes in six different locations along the upper seams of our tent so the camera lens could get the best angles of Sebastian and Mike Newton. While we accomplished this task, Edward had placed Bella safely outside the tent, and then he rapidly removed Mike's sweater and jeans.

"Okay, let's start shooting," Edward ordered authoritatively. Sebastian entered the tent while everyone else stood outside, Jasper and I armed with our digital cameras.

"Let's start with some hugging," Jasper snickered. We snapped about ten shots of the two embracing.

"Show me more love," I chuckled, while Sebastian kissed Mike's neck. "That's it baby, look into the camera." Snap, snap, snap… "Sebastian, pull out the cowboy hats, please." He cooperated and placed one on Mike and one on himself.

After a full three minutes of continuous flash photography, Edward interrupted, "Stop! That should be plenty."

_Yes, master_, I thought.

"Oh, but can't I finish him off?" Sebastian whined, flashing his sharp white teeth, pouting at Edward.

"No, you may not," Edward placed a protective arm around Bella who had been quiet this whole time. He wanted to make it clear to Sebastian that she was off limits too.

"Fine," he pouted. "Are you going to just leave him here?"

Jasper and I looked at each other and smiled.

"No," I answered. "We're going to leave him unclothed, in his sleeping bag, outside of the police station."


	9. And the Loser is

**A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who read this and an extra big thanks to everyone who reviewed!! This will be the last chapter, 'cause let's face it, the good stuff was early on and I've run out of ideas. **

**If you're looking for a funny story, check out "Legal Implications" by Fluffisacoolword – it made me cry it was so funny!!**

**Also, if you haven't read stories by yayme2012 or tortgirl, they're totally worth it, check them out! These two and the above are in my favorite authors if you can't find them.**

**---------------**

Edward's POV:

Emmett, Jasper and I just got back from delivering Bella safely home, saying goodbye to Sebastian, and dumping Mike Newton in front of the Fork's Police Station.

"How did it go?" Carlisle and Esme asked as we entered the house. I could tell by the expression on their faces that they didn't really approve of what we had just done.

"See for yourself," Emmett tossed the digital camera to Carlisle. I could hear him thinking, _They will probably give Edward all the credit when it was really my genius idea and direction. That's okay though, in due time. In due time…_

"He's at it again," I nodded my head toward Emmett and the others understood what I meant.

"Emmett," Carlisle began softly, "you do realize that your little fantasy is exactly that. It's just a flight of the imagination."

_Poor little unintelligent doctor,_ Emmett thought. Aloud he said, "Uh, yeah, sure Carlisle."

"He even sank so low as to convince himself that he can read and control Bella's mind. You should've heard what he was thinking in the woods," I explained.

Esme shook her head sympathetically and placed a hand on Emmett's shoulder. Emmett conjured up this secret life in his mind about two years ago after watching a marathon of movies like_ Superman_ and _Spider Man_. It was funny at first, but now it's something we're all concerned about.

Alice and Rosalie descended the stairs and came to see the photos. Everyone thought they were pretty funny. Hopefully this will get Newton to stop messing with me.

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Mike's POV:

What am I doing here on the cold wet concrete outside of the police station? I'm supposed to be snuggled up next to Bella in a tent right now! I lifted the top of the sleeping bag and peaked under, noticing that I'm naked except for my tighty whities! What the heck?

I looked around and of course my car was no where nearby. I got up and hopped inside the police station and Office Slater, one of my arresting officers for the Brownie incident was behind the counter.

"Mr. Newton," he eyed me with irritation. "What are you doing here and where are your clothes?"

"I'm not sure, Sir, but I need a ride home," I said embarrassed.

"Were you drinking?" Officer Slater demanded.

"No, I think I was the butt of a prank," I replied. Officer Slater snickered. Just then, Chief Swan walked in. Officer Slater explained quickly what was going on as far as he knew and Chief Swan looked at me.

"Let's go kid, you're going to be late for school," he shook his head and went back out to his cruiser. I hopped behind him, ashamed.

------------------------

Still Mike's POV:

Less than an hour later, I was dressed and delivered to Fork's High by my father, who is pissed that I left my car abandoned in the middle of the woods. It was reported to the police by an anonymous tipster and now we have to pay to get it back from the impound lot in Port Angeles. I'm not allowed to drive for the next three months – that's all summer!

As I approached the front door, I saw a plethora of photos taped to the door and surrounding windows. When I was close enough to see what it was, _who_ it was, I about died right then and there. They were pictures of me with some guy!

Bella, how could you do this to me? Damn Cullen, he must have orchestrated the whole thing! But why did she go along with it after he cheated on her? Oh, damn, he figured it out and she believed him!

"Hey, Newton," some guy from the Junior class welcomed me as I walked inside, "congratulations on coming out of the closet."

"What? No…" I protested, but people were staring at me everywhere. Jessica stomped up to me immediately and I couldn't believe how angry she looked.

"So that's why you had trouble keeping it up, Mike. Because you're gay?" She demanded furious. "I thought maybe there was something wrong with me, but it was because you're not into girls, right?"

"No, I…" again, my protest was lost. She stomped away crying, followed by Lauren who glared meanly at me.

"Hey, Newton," Tyler Crowley nodded over at me. "I just want to make it clear that I'm not homophobic, but I did catch you glancing down at my Lil' Tyler during showers after Track practice, and I'm not interested in you like that, okay?"

"Okay, but…" I began.

"Good, I'm glad we're on the same page." Tyler walked away quickly.

"Mr. Newton," the Principal walked up behind me. "I need to see you in my office."

We walked to his office and my mom was inside. "Oh, Michael, why didn't you tell me?" She cried. "And now you're being expelled for distributing the indecent photos along with your drug usage a couple of weeks ago."

"But I didn't distribute the photos. I was set up!" I argued.

"Save it, Mr. Newton," the Principal said. "You're finished here, you many go now and try to get your GED or enroll in another high school, which likely won't take you since there's only a week left before graduation."

I followed my mom who was crying hysterically outside. Waiting just outside of the main entrance was that damn Cullen and Bella. I sneered at him as he just smiled and she glared back at me.

I've lost… I lost to Cullen… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

**A/N: I'm seriously sorry for the sucky ending, but I don't know how else to end it. Sorry ******


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